Sometimes, loss can cause one to go numb.
At other times, it breaks your heart open and spills out contents that you never truly realized were there, reopening old wounds that had gone cold, callouses that had grown so thick that they almost didn't exist.
Almost.
Today, my heart is overflowing with joy thanks to a wonderful partner and a precious baby girl.
Two years ago, my heart was broken open by the loss of a loved one and I haven't found the heart to write about it until now.
Narelle Grech, aka "Rel Reow"
9/8/82 - 3/26/13
9/8/82 - 3/26/13
For a few years, I knew Rel only by her LiveJournal handle. We met fortuitously in an online LiveJournal community for adoptees in the fall of 2005. Rel - A donor-conceived adult - had come to the forum to express her sentiments of an affinity for the adoptee experience. There was a kinship and fondness in our interactions and a nascent friendship was born.
Little did I know at the time that we would not only learn each other's "real" names, but that we would someday play a larger, integral role in each other's lives. At least, she played a larger role in my life... I can not speak for her.
It was Rel who would introduce me to a man who later became my boyfriend in Los Angeles, a man she had camped with for two years at the Burning Man festival in the Black Rock Desert, NV: An event that was to play an essential role in the shifting of my life to one of greater authenticity and meaning. It was Rel's friends whom I would later camp with at the festival for three years in a row. And it was Rel whose passing we mourned at the temple in Black Rock City in 2013.
By the time I had the opportunity to meet vivacious Rel in person in July of 2012, her body had already been overtaken by Stage IV colon cancer but her spirit remained indomitable. She had made the trek from her hometown of Melbourne, Australia, to visit beloved friends in the Bay Area, a part of the world that had become something akin to a second home.
"I've bought tickets to the Fiona Apple concert. Would you like to go with me?" She asked in a Facebook message. And went, we did, accompanied by her colostomy bag that she affectionately dubbed "Jorge". Standing inside the historic Fox Theater in Oakland, CA, we were both giddy with the surrealism of the moment. Rel was a true lover of music and her enthusiasm was infectious.
One of the last of those few memorable days we spent together in person was spent smoking a cigarette on the steps of her friend's apartment in San Francisco. We made light of the cigarette's cancer-causing capabilities with a strange sense of resignation lurking in the depths.
Here was an inspiring individual whose life's purpose was so clear only after her death and years of struggle, both public and private. After years of passionate advocacy for the rights of Donor Conceived People and only after her terminal cancer diagnosis led to the incredible opening of records, Rel finally met the man whom she had been seeking for 15 years: T5 (Raymondo Tonna).
When she passed, shortly thereafter, lobbying in Victoria, Australia, began that would change the law and grant Donor Conceived People the right to access their information: Something Rel had been fighting for ever since she learned she had been donor conceived at the age of 15. The name of the bill is Narelle's Law. If it passes, it could help hundreds of individuals gain a sense of identity and connection, something so many adoptees and donor conceived people struggle with their entire lives.
Over two years ago, the world lost a spirited young warrior with long, reddish brown dreadlocks and a heart of gold. I will forever remember Rel as a woman with a true gift for life: One who, despite her internal struggles, radiated joy and warmth and was nothing short of inspiring. May we all learn something from her life and all she fought for and held dear.
Rel, you are loved and missed. My little daughter E was born just 6 days short of what would have been your 32nd birthday. Sometimes I wonder if you put in a special word to the universe about my heart's desires. After all, you promised to be only a "little cloud away". <3 :p="" comment-3--="">
