This is my answer to this blogger's post.
There are so-called “angry” adoptees, ambivalent adoptees, and “happy-lucky-me” adoptees. To me, you cannot permanently label them as one or another, as oftentimes, I have found that these labels are merely phases an adoptee may (or may not) move through in his or her lifetime.
I don’t agree with hatred, insults, mockery, sarcasm, etc from any side - adoptee, adoptive parent, nor birthparent. All parts of the triad need to have more compassion for each other. It is wrong and hateful to engage in such behaviors, regardless of how you have been affected by adoption.
That said, pretending that loss, sadness, and anger are not elements of adoption for all members of the adoption triad does nothing to benefit anyone. I cannot deny evidence that adoption, while a positive thing in many respects, is traumatic for many.
Adoption is a penumbra, made of loss and gain, light and darkness, joy and sadness.
I think when we are able to acknowledge, accept, and release our own sadness and loss, which brought us to adoption, we are able to be compassionate to the pain of others, regardless of whether they are an adoptee, a woman who gave up her child, or a couple who could not have biological offspring.
